


In Which John is Still an Idiot and Dave Makes Things Both Worse and Better

by MadDub



Series: Typos and Miscommunication [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Chatlogs, Feel-good, Fluff, John is an idiot, M/M, Pesterlog, Silly, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 19:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2441042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadDub/pseuds/MadDub
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="john">EB: so i snuck in and saw karkat was no where to be found</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">
    <br/>
    <span class="john">EB: and then i noticed his forbidden closet was open and i-</span>
  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">
    <br/>
    <span class="dave">TG: woah wait he has a forbidden closet</span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: like what are we talking about here like a closet that holds all sorts of dark terrible secrets that would reveal karkat as mass murderer number four or a secret passage to troll narnia and karkat is the guard or</span>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which John is Still an Idiot and Dave Makes Things Both Worse and Better

**Author's Note:**

> I have fallen in love with pesterlogs.
> 
> This has nothing to do with the fact that I'm better at writing dialogue what are you even talking about.
> 
> But yeah, I probably won't be posting a whole lot but pesterlogs and memos for awhile. I don't know; real stuff is just kind of frustrating me right now. I used to be pretty decent at it, but then I got really into script-writing last summer and now I think I need more me-on-me practice with paragraph-style.
> 
> So here's a pesterlog! Woo!

\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]\-- 

EB: dave

EB: dave, are you there?

EB: come in dave.

EB: eb to tg

EB: dave come on this is an emergency! i really need your help here!

TG: okay okay fine ill bite

TG: what

EB: oh thank goodness! i was afraid you wouldn't answer!

TG: whats so important that you would disturb me

TG: gogdamn i could have been doing something important like saving the world from the forces of evil or getting my beauty sleep or jumping through time to fix your ergrious mistakes

EB: why would you be sleeping-

EB: you know what? never mind. i don't want to know.

EB: look, i really need some help here, okay? so don't laugh at me.

TG: what

TG: me laugh what are you ridiculous

TG: i would never so much as chortle into my fist in the classy subtle manner should my friends be in dire need

TG: my voicebox will permit no snigger or chuckle or giggle through without explicit permission to do otherwise

TG: no mister chucklefuck you may not go through its friend time for master dave

TG: dont even think about it cackle i see you eyeing that exit and let me tell you you arent getting anywhere without my say so are we clear

EB: dave, as funny as you are now is not the time.

TG: its always the time egbert

EB: dave

EB: i'm alone in karkat's room in ruined clothes.

TG: woah

TG: what the fuck he just left you after you two screwed

TG: not cool man

EB: we didn't have sex!

EB: i just

EB: uh

EB: okay, i need your word that you won't laugh at me.

TG: i thought we already had it established that master dave doesnt laugh at friends in need

EB: i'm holding you to that!

EB: okay so i got bored and i was in the hallway and i just so happened to be passing kartat's room, so i thought, hey why not set up another prank?

EB: so i snuck in and saw karkat was no where to be found

EB: and then i noticed his forbidden closet was open and i-

TG: woah wait he has a forbidden closet

TG: like what are we talking about here like a closet that holds all sorts of dark terrible secrets that would reveal karkat as mass murderer number four or a secret passage to troll narnia and karkat is the guard or

EB: dave, sometimes your imagination is ridiculous.

EB: no, it is not a secret passage.

EB: i thought it might hold something embarrassing, because karkat never lets me or anyone else near it, so of COURSE i go over to look at it.

EB: and i forgot that i set up that stupid bucket full of slime prank forever ago!

EB: aaaaaaaand now i'm covered in slime.

TG: dude

EB: yeah

TG: was there at least something embarrassing in there

TG: at least tell me it was worth it

EB: no, there's nothing in here but clothes!

EB: okay, i take that back. there was an empty pail in the back but i don't really count that as embarrassing.

TG: are you shitting me right now

TG: for our dear karkles that is like a hidden stack of pornos

TG: watch out dont let your lusus see

TG: crabdad might ground you for life and take the bucket away from you

EB: i don't know. seems kind of weak.

TG: hell no im not squandering this chance from now on kitkat will be known as buckat

EB: oh my gosh

EB: dave

EB: no

TG: no way egbert you did it now

TG: you and your boyfriend buckat will forever be the butt of all the jokes

EB: ugh.

TG: get it

TG: butt of the jokes

EB: shut up! 

EB: firstly, we aren't even dating, which you all seem to keep forgetting, and secondly, you still haven't helped me with my problem!

TG: oh right

TG: so uh whats the problem

EB: i'm dripping slime and i don't have any spare clothes!

EB: how am i supposed to leave without getting this gunk everywhere? i don't want karkat to follow the trail and yell at me! my prankster's gambit has suffered enough for a lifetime!

TG: why are you asking me

TG: isnt rose our problem solver like isnt that literally her job

EB: rose wouldn't answer my messages and you know more about trolls than jade.

TG: uh i dont know about that

EB: look, just

EB: is it okay to take a troll's shirt? sollux and kanaya told me trolls were weird about other people having their symbols.

TG: see that right there is why we all think youre dating

TG: john thats like a really intimate thing trolls dont let strangers or people they dont explicitly trust one hundred fucking percent wear their symbols

TG: and i think theyre really weird about their clothes too i know terezi was

EB: shit.

EB: what do you think i should do then? i don't want to overstep any boundaries.

TG: youre in his room alone right now

TG: and im pretty sure one of you has already mounted the other in an x rated tango i dont want to hear about

TG: do you guys even have boundaries 

EB: DAVE! oh my gog!

TG: what im only speaking the truth here

TG: dont you act innocent i know what youve done and hell youre in his room alone

TG: that tells me you two are closer than you let on

EB: what do you mean? we're just bros!

TG: john

TG: i hate to spell it out for you but trolls are territorial as hell

TG: karkat would skin me alive if he found me alone in his room

TG: terezi might not but thats only because she and i have a history and were like moirails or some shit

EB: but he doesn't know i'm in here! 

EB: fuck! what am i going to do?

TG: wait is this the first time youve gone in there alone

EB: i think so.

EB: pretty sure

TG: dude

EB: what do i do? i don't want to die or lose my bro!

TG: okay listen up ill tell you what to do

TG: first change out of your clothes and put on one of karkats clothes perferrably one he wont notice is gone

TG: you doing it

EB: yeah.

EB: okay, now what?

TG: now take your soiled clothes and ball them up so they wont drip

TG: and then book the fuck out of there

EB: you want me to RUN AWAY?

EB: are you crazy?! karkat will figure out i've been here and then kill me!

TG: do you have a better plan

EB: ...

TG: thats what i thought

EB: i don't think i'm comfortable with this plan.

EB: i don't want him to hate me.

EB: OH SHIT NEVER MIND

EB: SOS

EB: FUCKFUCJGDD

EB: fuddhkvfrvadh

TG: holy shit

TG: john are you there

TG: is karkat there did he come in and catch you or something

TG: is he debauching your godly bod

TG: touching your no-no area

TG: tickling the pink wizard

TG: massaging the sausage

TG: pulling the love handle

TG: scissoring your fine paper

EB: JOHN IS FINE.

EB: BUT HE'S A LITTLE TIED UP AT THE MOMENT.

TG: figuratively or literally

EB: BOTH.

EB: ALSO HE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU THAT NO, WE WERE NOT DATING. 

EB: I AM ALSO GOING TO TELL YOU THAT YES, WE HAVE BEEN PAILING BEHIND THE SCENES AND YES, HE WILL NOT BE LEAVING THIS BLOCK UNTIL HE IS MY MATESPRIT.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]\-- 

TG: fuck

TG: egbert you were supposed to be secretly dating dammit now i owe rose twenty boonbucks

TG: if you get these messages i just want you to know that you disgust me

TG: consider our bromance over

TG: this is me breaking our sacred bond

TG: thats right eb i dont love you anymore we are done over past

TG: ...

TG: the fuck am i saying forget all of that youre still my best bro

TG: here have a virtual bro fist and a heart just to fuck with vantas 

TG: <3

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] changed his status to offline--  
**


End file.
